I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
