some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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