i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Randomize
