i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
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