I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
