Where did you get a picture of my penis
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
