I want to make a zoo with you.
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
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