I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
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