I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
