I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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