Sry I called you an 8
Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
