sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
The air taste purple.
Randomize
