I like to think it a success when the cops are called
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I fill condoms, not promises.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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