I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
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