So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
It's never too late to be topless.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
