I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
