the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Randomize
