Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
