"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Randomize
