you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
