I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Randomize
