I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
