If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Randomize
