Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Randomize
