he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
