I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Randomize
