you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
