just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I intend to get homeless drunk
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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