So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
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