i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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