I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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