4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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