i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Randomize
