did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
