Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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