Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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