Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
