i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
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