im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Randomize
