I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
