She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
