Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
He shit in the fireplace
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
