Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize
