I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
