wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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