No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
