Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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