You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize
