i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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