Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
They took my balls.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Randomize
