Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
