Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
