I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Randomize
